:: Single Parenting ::

by: MUNIRA LEKOVIC EZZELDINE 

Stay strong single mommies and daddies.. Allah is with you!

Parenting is a tough job, but single parenting is an even tougher challenge, as one parent tries to fulfill the roles of both a mother and a father to their child.  Single parenting is highly demanding physically, emotionally and financially.   There can be numerous reasons and circumstances for single parenting, such as divorce, a spouse working abroad, a child born out of wedlock, or even the illness or death of a parent. Sadly, the Muslim community often alienates and ostracizes single parents and is often selective regarding which single parent “deserves” compassion,

:: Heinz Inspired Baby Food ::

Salam Peeps!

I am an overachiever when it comes to Ziqri. I make sure give the best I possibly can to him. I make sure his clothes are washed with hypo-allergenic detergent (I have asthma so I am very specific and strict about this. I use Pureen), his bottles and cutleries boiled regularly and washed with Liquid cleanser specially for bottles and nipples (I used Pureen too). I make sure he gets the best nutrients and therefore I make sure I breastfeed him exclusively. It was not easy at first, trust me.. But my desire to give the best to my precious, made me try everything under the sun, so that my breasts produce the precious milk. I drink more than 3 litres of plain water everyday, I drink soy, milk, I eat fenugreek, white carrots, I massage my breasts, I pump regularly and most importantly, I pray and ask from God (Ya Allah, murahkan rezeki anakku, banyakkan susuku supaya aku dapat menyusukan sehingga 2 tahun).

:: My World Feels Brighter When You Smile ::

:: Interesting article : Do We Need Breastfeeding Laws? ::

Original article here

I stumbled upon this very interesting article about breastfeeding. How awesome is Indonesia!!! Obviously their government is very serious about the people's health and wellbeing. And obviously they dont impose laws to be popular and liked by the people.. they impose laws for the benefit of their nation. Good on you Indonesia!!

:: Breastfeeding Is Sunnah ::

Salam fellow mortals..

I've shared this video on my Facebook, because I think this video is brilliant... And since I no longer have a Facebook account, I'm sharing this again here.. For those who have seen this on my wall, good for you. For those who havent, please please watch it.

To those who are passionate about breastfeeding and thinks every mother should breastfeed, be a peer counselor.. CLICK HERE

p/s: Mood for today, ANNOYED!! First, Ziqri couldnt sleep last night and therefore mommy is sleep deprived, then my car key was left inside my locked car, then the traffic to work was shitty. I'm hungry but too lazy to eat. I have my bekal for lunch.. just gonna eat that.. (yes, i bring food from home everyday to save some money) Maybe instead of me trying to understand people, people should try to understand me for a change! I am human too.. Try to open ur heart and listen to my side of the story. 

Take care peeps.. Hope your day is going to better than mine. 

:: Doa Banyakkan Susu ::

Again, info about brestfeeding. To those who are doing it, I understand sometimes we fear the worst.. milk supply depletion!! Fear not.. Percaya bahawa susu tu rezeki anak kita.. Hanya Allah yang memberi rezeki.. So, mintalah padaNya.. Breastfeeding is a sunnah. We are doing a noble thing.. Congrats mommiesss!!

p/s: I am not anti milk formula. Trust me I'm not! I was only breastfed for a couple of months as a baby and I turn up healthy.. So whenever I hear non-breastfeeding mothers explaining themselves left n right when asked questions like.. u bagi susu badan ke?, I feel sad. You dont have to explain yourself dear mothers! You are doing what you think is best for your child. So the next time people ask, "You bagi susu badan ke?" answer proudly.. "Haah.. I bagi s26.." then shut up and smile! Dont explain why you dont breast feed. If they are mothers, chances are, they too understand, and they wont judge.

These info was emailed to me by a dear friend, Mr Asbanizam. The email was forwarded from his wife of course. Thank you so much Mr & Mrs Asba.. Besarnya pahala korang membantu ibu2 tanpa jemu! Allah je yang dapat membalas..

............................................................

Kadang-kala kita terlampau sibuk mencari-cari benda untuk memperbanyakkan susu sampai terlupa kepada Yang Memberi Rezeki. Sedangkan kepada Dialah yang layak kita minta.

Walau macam mana pun kita usaha tetapi kalau Allah tak izinkan maka tentunya tiada rezeki di situ.

Jadi, di samping memahami dan mengamalkan konsep asas penyusuan (kerap kosongkan payudara dan minum air masak 3L sehari) dan mengambil makanan penambah susu (sama ada makanan semula jadi seperti kurma atau supplemen), apa kata kita check juga hubungan kita dengan Allah.

Mungkin kerana hubungan kita dengan Allah (hablum minallah) dan hubungan kita sesama manusia (hablum minannaas) yang tak berapa cantik menyebabkan Allah menguji kita dengan pelbagai ujian dan teguran. Apa kata kita cuba check amalan kita seharian dan tambahkan amalan di bawah untuk membantu membanyakkan lagi rezeki anak kita.

1. Amalkan doa di bawah

“Ya ALLAH…permudahkanlah segala urusan kehidupanku, banyakkanlah susuku untuk bayiku, dan permudahkanlah perjalananku untuk menyusukan anakku agar menuruti segala yang telah Engkau syariatkan…AMIN…” 

2. Surah al-Hujurat ; al-Kautsar juga baik diamalkan bermula sejak mengandung lagi. Niatkan dalam hati  semoga ALLAH swt murahkan rezeki kita, anak kita dan banyakkan susu  kite. Bagaimana pun jangan kita lupa juga bahawa rezeki itu semuanya  datang dari Allah. Sebaiknya dibaca dan difahamkan juga tafsiran ayatnya

3. Amalkan surah al-Baqarah ayat 60.  Sambil dibaca letakkan tangan pada breast, and doa dalam hati semoga  Allah murahkan rezeki anak kita dan supaya kita mampu memberikan susu yg  cukup pd anak kita hingga sekurang-kurangnye umurnya 2 tahun

  

"Dan (ingatlah) ketika Nabi Musa memohon supaya diberi air untuk kaumnya, maka Kami berfirman: “Pukullah batu itu dengan tongkatmu”, (ia pun memukulnya), lalu terpancutlah dari batu itu dua belas mata air sesungguhnya tiap-tiap satu puak (di antara mereka) telah mengetahui tempat minumnya masing-masing. (Dan Kami berfirman): “Makanlah dan minumlah kamu dari rezeki Allah itu, dan janganlah kamu merebakkan bencana kerosakan di muka bumi”.

4. Amalkanlah berzikir dgn kalimah YA MATIN (Maha Sempurna KekuatanNya) 70 kali setiap hari. Waktu yg paling bagus adalah pada waktu malam dan  subuh. Anda juga boleh bacakan zikir tersebut dan hembuskan ke dalam  segelas air lalu diminum.

5. Amalkan juga ambil wudhu dan maafkan setiap orang sebelum kita tidur supaya hati sentiasa tenang dan menyebabkan susu lebih mudah untuk mengalir keluar. Perasaan ibu turut mempengaruhi elemen pada bayi tau. Jika menyusu dalam keadaan marah, bayi pun akan menjadi cepat marah. Jadi sentiasalah tenangkan diri dan berfikiran positif supaya elemen-elemen positif dapat dialirkan pada bayi.

:: Making breastmilk: How your body produces Nature's perfect baby food ::

source: http://www.babycenter.com.my/baby/breastfeeding/makingbreastmilk/

The process starts during pregnancy

If you're pregnant, you have no doubt noticed the huge metamorphosis occurring in your bra cups. Those physical changes - tender, swollen breasts, and darkened nipples and areolas (the circle of skin surrounding your nipple) - may be one of your earliest clues that you've conceived. Experts believe the colour change may also be a helpful aid to breastfeeding. It's nature's way of providing a visual guide that helps newborns feed successfully (hey, dinner's over here!). Another pregnancy signal: the appearance of tiny bumps around your areola called the glands of Montgomery (named after the British obstetrician who first described them), which also play a role in breastfeeding. These bumps produce an oily substance that cleanses, lubricates, and protects the nipple from infection during breastfeeding. 

What's going on inside your breasts

Perhaps even more remarkable than this visible transformation is the extensive changes taking place inside your breasts. Your developing placenta stimulates the release of oestrogen and progesterone, which in turn stimulate the complex biological system that makes lactation possible. 


Before pregnancy, a combination of supportive tissue, milk glands, and protective fat makes up a large portion of your breasts (the amount of fatty tissue varies among women, which is why breasts come in such a variety of sizes and shapes). In fact, your newly tender, swollen orbs have been preparing for your pregnancy since you were a 6-week-old embryo in your own mother's womb. By the time you were born, your main milk ducts -- a network of canals that transport milk through your breasts -- had already formed. Your mammary glands stayed quiet until puberty, when a flood of the female hormone oestrogen caused them to grow and swell. During pregnancy, those glands shift into high gear. 

By the time your baby is born, the glandular tissue in your breasts doubles in size, which accounts for your bigger-than-ever breasts. Each one may get as much as 1½ pounds heavier! 

Nestled amid the fat cells and glandular tissue is an intricate network of channels or canals called milk ducts. Pregnancy hormones cause the milk ducts to increase in number and size; the ducts then branch off into smaller canals near the chest wall called ductules. At the end of each one is a cluster of small, grapelike sacs called alveoli. A cluster of alveoli is called a lobule; a cluster of lobules is called a lobe. Each breast contains between 15 and 20 lobes. 

Milk is produced inside the alveoli, which are surrounded by tiny muscles that squeeze the glands and push milk out into the ductules. Those ductules converge and lead to a bigger ducts that end in your nipple. (You can think of the nine or so milk ducts in each breast as individual straws that all end at the tip of your nipple and deliver milk into your baby's mouth.) Your milk-duct system becomes fully developed sometime during your second trimester, so you can breastfeed your baby even if she arrives prematurely. 

Production heats up after the baby is born

Milk production and prolactin 


You'll begin full-scale milk production within 24 to 48 hours of giving birth to your baby. Scientifically speaking, this period is called lactogenesis. Once you expel your hormone-producing placenta, the oestrogen and progesterone levels in your body start to drop. The hormone prolactin, which has been rising throughout your pregnancy, is released to do its work. This pituitary gland hormone signals your body to make lots of milk to nourish your baby. Laboratory studies also show that prolactin may make you feel more "motherly", which is why some experts call it the mothering hormone. 


As your body readies itself for lactation, it pumps extra blood into the alveoli, making your breasts firm and full. Swollen blood vessels, combined with an abundance of milk, may make your breasts temporarily painful and engorged, but breastfeeding frequently in the first few days will help relieve any discomfort. 


First comes colostrum 


During the early days of breastfeeding, your baby will enjoy a concentrated, creamy-looking, high-protein, low-fat substance called colostrum. You may have leaked a few drops of this thick, whitish substance during the final weeks of your pregnancy (some women have this happen during their second trimester). The precious, easily digestible liquid is full of disease-fighting antibodies called immunoglobulins that strengthen your baby's immune system. Your breastmilk changes throughout the feed to suit your baby's needs. 


For your baby to enjoy your milk, it must be "let down" or released from the internal alveoli. Here's how it happens: As your baby sucks your nipple, she stimulates the pituitary gland to release oxytocin - as well as prolactin - into your bloodstream. When it reaches your breast, oxytocin causes the tiny muscles around the milk-filled alveoli to contract and squeeze. The nourishing liquid is emptied into the ducts, which transport it to the milk ducts just below the areola. When she feeds, your baby presses the milk from the ducts into her mouth. 


During the first days of feeding, you may feel some contractions in your abdomen as the baby sucks. The usually mild discomfort signals the release of oxytocin, which helps shrink your uterus back to its pre-pregnancy size. (This same hormone caused your uterus to contract during labour.) Another signal: You may feel calm, satisfied, and joyful as you breastfeed. No wonder some people call oxytocin the hormone of love! 

As your milk flow increases, you may also feel some tingling, stinging, burning, or prickling in your breasts. Some women say their milk drips or even sprays during letdown. And it helps if you can create a peaceful environment - if you're relaxed during feeds, your milk will flow more freely and easily. In fact, many women compare breastfeeding to learning how to ride a bike: It may be tricky at first, but once you - and your baby - get the hang of it, it becomes second nature. 

:: Motherhood and Breastfeeding ::

Salam dear friends,

Being a mother is totally not what I expected. Its not just having a little person depending you for everything, not just having a precious person as a symbol of love between you and your husband.. Its a whole new different realm, which cant be explained with words. Just talking about my baby and thinking about him tugs my heart strings.. I never felt a love this pure and deep. Only now I truly understand the sacrifices and the love of my own mother. I feel like hitting my own head with a hammer for every time I refused to do what my mother asked of me, or simply acting like a spoiled brat. (Ya Allah ampunkan dosaku.. Mak, ampunkan jah..)

Anyway, I will talk more about my precious little boy whom we named Faizal Ziqri bin Muhammad Farid in my next post perhaps.

Important thing first. Breastfeeding. Ever since before I was even pregnant, I have always wanted to breastfeed my baby because I truly believe that the milk created by god is the best milk. The bonding between a mom and her baby when he's breastfeeding is priceless. Thats the time when the baby is truly connected with his mother and thats the best time for a mother to talk to her baby, read him doa or simply stare into his eyes and send him loads of love.

I am now breastfeeding my son exclusively. But it was not easy getting here. First few days after birth, my son cried a lot. I didnt know how to feed him and he was still getting used to sucking for food. (versus getting food constantly via umbilical chord, without any effort). We struggled. It was very frustrating for him and extremely painful for me. I mean physically painful. My nipple bled and I cried a lot during that time. No, it was not Postpartum depression, i was crying because of the pain. But I didnt give up. I was determined to keep on trying everything under the sun, so that my son can get the best he can get. I was not ready to deny my son of his birth right to breast milk. People say I need to pump so that the milk keep on producing.. I did that. Still my milk was too low. Then people say I should take herbal tea.. I did that and still didnt work. People told me I should eat papaya, bak choi, soy, fresh milk, anmum milk, I tried everything! Finally my sister in-law recommended a tukang urut to help me massage for milk. In a heartbeat I wanted to try. Syukur Alhamdulilah, that worked. With the help of Allah of course, my milk was flowing, and still is.. i am praying that my milk would be sufficient for him until he's 2 years old. 

To new mothers out there, I know it can get very frustrating. You dont know where to go, who to ask and what to do.. I know! trust me, I know!! The key is to relax. Find & read as much as you can on the net. Sites like http://www.babycenter.com and http://www.askdrsears.com are really helpful. Buy books, look out for flyers in clinics, gather as much information about breastfeeding as possible. If you can afford it, go see a lactation specialist. If you cant, try asking a breastfeeding mother. To me, breastfeeding mothers are the best teachers. They know what works and what not. For example, for working moms, doctors would advice you to pump your milk and ask the caretaker to feed your baby using a cup or a spoon. This is to avoid nipple confusion. To me, this doesnt work at all. My son is a hefty eater. He wont accept spoon fed milk. So i bottle feed him my expressed breast milk. Yes, at one point he was nipple confused. But after some reassurance and persistence, he accepts mine. In fact, I believe that babies actually prefer the real nipple, no matter what. 

Try deep breathing when breast feeding or pumping, think of your baby, look at his pictures, that really help the flow. I know it sounds ridiculous but it works. Keep on pumping and feeding as frequent as u can. Its ok if you only get an ounce. Keep at it. It will hurt as hell at first but u've been through labour.. so?

It is extremely important to surround yourself with positive people, those who are supportive of your decision to breastfeed. Coz trust u me, even family members are sometimes pro formula. I am blessed to have a mother who is very supportive of my decision. A father who is very protective and a husband who, like me, wants only the best for our child. There will be those who come to you and say, "anak ko ni tak cukup makan ni.. bagi je la formula" or "ko tengok anak orang tu.. gemok je.. tu la bagusnya minum susu tin.." or "ko bagi je la susu botol.. senang ko nak gi keje nanti.." or "jangan biasakan anak ko ngan susu badan.. nanti breast ko londeh.. kita pompuan kena jaga badan.." Tell them all to get lost. 

In my office, one particular colleague is very supportive of breastfeeding. He gave me support and endless encouragements. I would ask him questions and he would go back and ask his wife, and would come to work the next day with an answer. His wife, who is also a breastfeeding working mom, loaned me a book yesterday. A book I think every malaysian working mother should read. I dont know where to get it but I think the information is very useful. Apparently this book is very hard to get. (I wonder why!!!) So thank you so much Mr & Mrs Asba!

Ok so here's what I'm gonna do.. I'm gonna attach pictures of the book which I copied. Its not as pretty as the book but you can still read it. The information in it is the most important. Print these pictures out and read it and re-read it until u truly understand the content. 

I've done my part. If by publishing this post, I could persuade 1 mother to fully breastfeed her child, I would be very happy.. So good luck! Be patient and pray a lot!


p/s: Everything written here is of my own opinion and is not meant to hurt anybody. I believe that a mother knows whats best for her own child. Every child is unique so what works for me may not work for you. And most importantly, its your prerogative  if you choose not to breastfeed for whatever reason. I was not breastfed and I know I turn out great.. because I have great parents.. now thats a whole different story..

CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO ENLARGE

:: Squeeze My Hand and I'll Tell You That I Love You ::

This short story is taken from the book 'Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul'. I read this particular story when I was having my breakfast alone in a crowded mamak near my office. When I finished, I bawled my eyes out and I think I almost gave the mamak a heart attack.. Hahaha.. now that I think about it, it was rather embarrassing and I'm pretty sure I wont be visiting that mamak for at least a week.

Anyway, I suddenly had the urge to share this with everyone. So enjoy peep..

p/s: Love you mother! 

Remember when you were a child and you fell and hurt yourself? Do you remember what your mother did to ease the pain? My mother, Grace Rose, would pick me up, carry me to her bed, sit me down and kiss my "owwie". Then she'd sit on the bed beside me, take my hand in hers and say, "When it hurts, squeeze my hand and I'll tell you that I love you". Over and over I'd squeeze her hand, and each time, without fail, I heard the words, "Mary, i love you."

Sometimes, I'd find myself pretending I'd been hurt just to have that ritual with her. As I grew up, the ritual changed, but she always found a way to ease the pain and increase the joy I felt in any area of my life. On difficult days during high school, she'd offer her favorite Hershey chocolate almond bar when I returned home. During my 20s, Mom often called to suggest a spontaneous picnic lunch at Estabrook Park just to celebrate a warm , sunny day in Wisconsin. A handwritten thank-you note arrived in the mail after every single visit she and my father made to my home, reminding me of how special I was to her.

But the most memorable ritual remained her holding my hand when I was a child and saying " When it hurts, squeeze my hand and I'll tell you that I love you".

One morning, when I was in my late 30s, following a visit by my parents the night before, my father phoned me at work. He was always commanding and clear in his directions, but I heard confusion and panic in his voice. "Mary, something's wrong with your mother and I dont know what to do. Please come over as quickly as you can".

The 10-minute drive to my parents' home filled me with dread, wondering what was happening to my mother. When I arrived, I found Dad pacing in the kitchen and Mom lying on her bed. Her eyes were closed and her hands rested on her stomach. I called to her, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible. "Mom, I'm here".

"Mary?"

"Yes, Mom".

"Mary, is that you?"

"Yes, Mom, it's me".

I wasn't prepared for the next question, and when I heard it, I froze, not knowing what to say.

"Mary, am I going to die?"

Tears welled up inside me and I looked at my loving mother lying there so helpless.

My thoughts raced, until this question crossed my mind: What would Mom say?

I paused for a moment taht seemed like a million years, waiting for the words to come. "Mom, I dont know if you're going to die, but if you need to, it's okay. I love you".

She cried out, "Mary, I hurt so much".

Again, I wondered what to say. I sat down beside her on the bed, picked up her hand and heard myself say, "Mom, when it hurts, squeeze my hand and I'll tell you that I love you".

She squeeze my hand.

"Mom, I Love you".

Many hand squeezes and "I love you's" passed between my mother and me during the next two years, until she passed away from ovarian cancer. We never know when our moment o truth will come, but I do know now that when they do, whomever I'm with, I will offer my mother's sweet ritual  of love every time. 

"When it hurts, squeeze my hand and I'll tell you that I love you".

Mary Marcdante