:: Allah Yang Bagi Rezeki, Bukan Company ::

Salam beautiful people of the universe!

A while ago, when I was in my darkest time of my life, when I just lost a relationship and a job on the same day, I almost lost myself. I withdrew from the world. I turned my phone off, I refused even get out of the bed. I hit rock bottom.

That was the time when I truly realized, when a relationship crumbles, both parties will feel the pain. Who's at fault is no longer important. It never is important, for when a couple argue, both parties are somehow guilty. Wallahualam.

Anyway, when I was at the bottom, feeling useless and worthless, a friend reached out to me. He tried calling, I rejected his call. He text, I ignored. He was persistent. After about 100 calls, I finally answered, just to tell him not to call me again. I told him, I just lost everything, my family and my career. He nonchalantly said.. "Oooo.. U lost your job.. U hilang keje je.. bukan hilang rezeki.. Allah yang bagi rezeki, bukan company you". That may be a simple statement but Allah opened my heart to accept it in so many levels. Alhamdulillah.. With that statement embedded in my heart, I pushed through and became better. With absolute help from Allah of course.

Now, after all these years, a lot has changed. The most significant change is having a child. Unfortunately my salary was the one thing that hasnt change. It was ok before when I was living for myself. Now, another being is depending on me for everything. I think its my responsibility to provide him with best start in live. Especially when I am not even sure about the state of our country 20 years from now. The least I can do is to sign him up for a good insurance and saving plan for his future. So thats 200++ out of my monthly salary.

Because of my love of the company, I didint want to leave for another job. I know deep down, this company is very good because of the people and the care they show towards the staff. Its unfortunate they cant give me any increment (or bonus). So I tried to adjust my lifestyle so that I can have that extra money for my baby. I bring food from home to work everyday. I tried selling my car but because my car's selling price wont cover my remaining loan with the bank, I couldnt sell it without paying the bank. So I maintained the car. I tried selling the house but at the very last minute, I backed off because of various reasons.

Well, anyway, I finally decided to fish around for a new job, hoping for a better pay of at least 30% increment. One that pays better and still care for the employee, like my existing company. I applied for a position in an establishment, which office is in KLCC. I got called up for an interview not long after that. I was ecstatic! I was very very happy. I anticipated the interview date. I prepared myself. Heck, I even bought new pants for the interview.

Long story short, I was called for a second interview. And then I was accepted. Out of 5 candidates, they chose me. I was over the moon! I was ready to tender anytime. I seriously like the job and the company. Oil and Gas company maa... The benefit is always over the top. But there's one more hurdle before I can tender. They wanted to do a 'salary negotiation'. Darn! So they called and did the negotiation. They offered me 600 increment. I was not happy. If this is a normal 8 to 5 job, I would be really happy. But this job requires me to sometimes work on weekends. Its a big thing for me because I now have a child. I need to consider finding a sitter during the weekends if I have to work. And would I be able to trust that sitter with my precious? Would I be able to really work if I worry too much about my kid? So I told the negotiator, I need to do my istikharah and will revert back the next day.

At that time my heart was really torn. I want the job so badly and at the same time, I want to make sure my son is safe.

I did my istikharah. Once, my heart srarts to lean towards staying with my existing company. But still, my desire to jump to the other company was still quite high. Considering its perks. My existing company covers rm1500 for maternity. This new company covers rm10,000. So you see, its not little perks I'm talking about. The difference is too huge. And of course there that yearly increment and bonus. Well, anyway, I did my istikharah again.. This time praying very very hard for a clearer mind, and firm decision.

“Ya Allah, saya memohonkan pilihan menurut pengetahuanMu dan memohonkan penetapan dengan kesuasaanMu juga saya memohonkan kurniaMu yang besar, sebab sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang Maha Mengetahui dan saya tidak mengetahui apa-apa. Engkau Maha Mengetahui segala yang ghaib. Ya Allah, jikalau di dalam ilmuMu bahawa urusan saya ini……..baik untukku dalam agamaku, kehidupanku serta akibat urusanku, maka takdirkanlah untukku dan mudahkanlah serta berikanlah berkah kepadaku di dalamnya. Sebaliknya jikala di dalam ilmumu bahawa urusan ini buruk untukku, dalam agamaku, kehidupan serta akibat urusanku, maka jauhkanlah hal itu daripadaku dan jauhkanlah aku daripadanya serta takdirkanlah untukku yang baik-baik saja dimana saja adanya, kemudian puaskanlah hatiku dengan takdirMu itu.”

After that second istikharah, I made up my mind. I felt calm and collected. I'm sure about my decision. I'm sure that this is the best decision for us at this point. So I declined the offer. I gently said that the increment offered is not enough for me to sacrifice my existing lifestyle. They respected my decision and accepted it.  

A lot of you out there were shocked hearing my decision. Some of you said this is the opportunity of a lifetime. Some said the company is too good of a company to decline. Some said I should have just accepted the offer and work things out at home. Even if the offer is the same as my current pay, I should have just accepted it because of the company's stability and perks offered.

You see, what you dont know is this.. In my existing company, I am free to pump my milk at least 3 times a day. I'm free to do my solat fardhu. I am even free to do my solat sunat like solat dhuha, hajat & istikharah. They dont give us big fat bonus but they give us bantuan anak sekolah, rm1500 per child, every year. They dont even give increment, but they are very flexible, especially when it comes to family matter. I can go back anytime if any happens to my son, no matter how minor (Nauzubillah). 

So maybe that is why Allah made up my mind to stay here. Its not hectic and therefore I have more time for my family. I work in desa pandan where the parking is free. Not in KLCC where I have to pay rm250 for its season parking (waiting list). Its not where garret popcorn and gong cha is available a few escalator rides away.. (jimat sikit..)

So I am very happy with my decision. Given a different situation, different time maybe I would have accepted it. I believe in Allah's plan. I am here just to play my part the best way I know how, with His guidance. 

So once again the statement "Allah Yang Bagi Rezeki, Bukan Company" rings true. Alhamdulillah for this understanding Ya Allah!